Holidays are a wonderful time to reconnect, laugh and make some new happy memories with your family and loved ones. It’s a time to focus on what is good and set aside differences. When we haven’t seen someone for a long time, we want to walk away from our fellowship with feeling good about being together. If a loved one is stressed, it’s an opportunity to be a source of encouragement and help them “get away” from their stressors, even if it’s just for a few hours.
People often remember how they felt from a gathering more than anything else. When you’re at peace you can be an instrument of God’s peace. You can be a positive impact to the environment you’re in. You can be the thermostat in the room rather than the thermometer. Though you may gauge the temperature of a room, like a thermometer, you do not have to be subject to the room’s temperature. You can be solution oriented and reset the temperature by being the thermostat.
Coming together for the holidays is a time to celebrate, NOT the time to engage in relational difficulties. Not everyone attending will get this memo. Realizing you can’t control those around you, you need to prepare yourself to be at peace. Making plans ahead of time to maintain your peace is very important and you can begin by praying before you get there. If you find someone irks you though, you can kindly and politely walk away, say a prayer, and give it to God. Perhaps you can go outside and take a fresh breath of air. Using the Five Finger Breathing Exercise can help you recenter and calm your nervous system. If you have used EFT Tapping before and are comfortable with it, you can use that too. Your set up statement can be something like “Lord please help me find peace again as I tap.” Then say something like, “Even though I feel (fill in this blank) because (fill in this blank), I deeply and completely accept myself. Tap on the points until you get yourself calmed down enough to reengage. If what happened is still bothersome and is robbing you from enjoying connection with other people, take a moment and jot down the situation (maybe in your cell phone notes). You can work on it later with your coach, counselor, pastor, or whomever you confide in. Intentionally working through things later, when you’re in a safe place to process your emotions, outside your circumstance, is very helpful. Later, after you understand why you were bothered, and look for an opportunity to talk to the person whose behavior irritated you in a more appropriate setting. Holidays are meant to celebrate. Choose ways to celebrate.
Keep in mind, each and every person is at the gathering and most likely trying their best to be part of the celebration. Even if their best isn’t what you’d like to see, you can celebrate that they are still trying. You can give them space while engaging with other receptive people. One way to lighten the atmosphere or turn the temperature to kindness is having a few fun conversation starters in mind to refocus yourself on something positive. Not only does this help you, but it can shift an atmosphere with warm, engaging, and fun conversation and help others engage, reconnect and feel included too.
Here are a few conversation starters you can take with you to keep you focused on the positive:
What are you most thankful for in 2023?
Did you eat at a new restaurant or start a new hobby? If so, did you like it or dislike it? Why?
Has anyone accomplished a goal they set out for? If so, what was it?
Name one place you’ve never been but would love to visit.
If you time-traveled to the middle ages, what modern convenience would you miss the most?What superpower would you like to have for a day and why?
Where do all the missing socks go when they disappear from the laundry — any conspiracy theories?
What’s one thing on your bucket list that you think would surprise all of us?
If you were stranded on a desert island what three things would you like to have with you and why?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten on purpose and did it become a regular part of your diet?
You can pick a few of the ten you like or perhaps some of these will spur on some of your own ideas! If you’re hosting and your loved ones are up for it, you can write them down and give each person (who is comfortable) one on a slip of paper and take turns reading them together!
Have fun!
LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE!
Click for 110 Jokes that will lighten your day and brighten your way!
Merry Christmas!
Deborah Scott CEFTC, CHC, CLC; Christian Life & Wellness Coach
